The doubter

It had been days since I had my last entry. Sadly, I really didn't have something in mind to write and share in this blog, not until this morning when I had my devo. And so here it goes,

Mat 14:22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.
Mat 14:23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone,
Mat 14:24 but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
Mat 14:25 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.
Mat 14:26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
Mat 14:27 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
Mat 14:28 "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
Mat 14:29 "Come," he said.
Mat 14:30 Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Mat 14:31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

We may see these verses the same way but look at it in different points of view. What I write here are my revelations from God. You may disagree, it's okay.

The line that really struck me is this: "You of little faith, why did you doubt?". Admitting, I am really a doubter myself. Then I began asking myself, why do I doubt? Why can't I trust the Creator of the universe, the Alpha of everything I see, feel, hear, smell? Why won't I surrender everything to Him and let Him have my life the way He wants it to be?

Then answers keep flooding in my mind: the way I fear the future, the uncertainties of tomorrow, the worries of disappointing my loved ones, the pride and confidence I have in what I am capable of. These things corrupt my faith, destroy my spirituality and lead me away from Jesus.

But after all the displeasing attitudes I have towards Him, He's telling me: "Von, why won't you let it go, let me have it, sit back, and be amazed on how I lead your life?". Then I told God, "Do it the way You will Lord."

I don't wanna be the one to sink because I doubt. I don't wanna be the person I will regret, because I always wanted to please others. Trials won't fail me, nor will they cause me to throw away my faith in the Lord. I just want to be the humble man who will helplessly say, "Lord, save me."

How many times did He say "Do not be afraid."? How many times did He remind me that He knows what He's doing and He had the best plans for me? And yet, simple problems come and I began worrying and doubting. Am I really that bonded with the systems of the world?

I am so thankful I have this Bible with me, reading it everyday after waking up. This Holy Book never failed to amazed me. The way God rebukes me, corrects me, and tells me how to react to certain things, it is so amazing that I sometimes jokingly ask Him, "Then, how did You know that?". Of course, simple answer is HE IS GOD!

I really love this line in a song: "I surrender all to you Lord. I am nothing without you. Jesus Christ, take my hand."

This blog may be a little personal but I am not ashamed to admit it. Anyway, He sees everything, He knows everything.

I feel so blessed today. Thanks for reading this blogpost, until next time. To God be all glory, praises and adorations, now and for eternity. Amen.